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[27 Sep 2009|02:13pm] |
Hey guys. I'm really bored with my hair and want to do something with the color and maybe get some bangs. I never had bangs before so I don't even know how to go about getting them, or how they would look. My hair is naturally curly and its shoulder length when straightened. Any suggestions on a cut that would look okay both curly and straight would be perfect (I want to keep the length and grow it out, but it's so dead now). Also, I want to highlight it, but I don't know whether to get blonde or red highlights. Can you guys help?
[Unknown LJ tag]
6 months ago, length when straightened. Also, thats my natural color.
Recent, curled (ignore the horrible dance skills)
( Read more... )
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[07 Feb 2008|10:25am] |
I'm...
confused.
angry.
frustrated.
happy.
upset.
uncomfortable.
annoyed.
ecstatic.
worried.
embarrassed.
nervous.
scared.
content.
apathetic.
sad.
exhausted.
disappointed.
i didn't think it was possible to feel all of that, all at once, all for the same reason. i don't see a change anytime soon, either. i just want SOMEONE to consider my feelings. just this once, and stop making me look like the bad guy.
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| 23 ; It's not your fault so please stop your crying now. |
[19 Sep 2006|09:12pm] |
I'm not allowed to hvae one good day, am I? Seriously.
Ever since this fucking semester started, I've hated myself and life in general. I don't even know why I continue to waste my time and money at that fucking school anymore. I don't know what I want to do anymore, because Psychology is becoming less and less appealing. Sure, it's interesting, but I already most of the shit I'm learning. My Psychopatholgoy teacher is horrible, in the sense that he doesn't even teach us anything, he gives us papers, tells us to complete them and then says "Read Chapter 3 by Thursday." That's not teaching. That's dictating, and I'm not paying my own tuition, and paying $97 for a book in that class to teach myself the goddamn subject. That's why I'm paying you to tell me what the hell I should be learning.
I hate my fiction writing class. I absolutely LOVE to write, but my creative writing class was so much more helpful. This class is entirely too long, and we're not even writing in the class, we're reading short stories, most of which I already read last semester, and the only "writing" we're getting graded on, is our reviews of our classmates stories. Not to mention, the only information about writing I'm getting is in a text book I don't even own yet, because it's a $64 book for only 150+ pages. I miss Vijay. I miss her stopping in the middle of class, and giving up a paper and telling us to write for a half hour. I miss the hoemwork assignments she'd give us. I tired of just reading stories and discussing them in my writing class. If I wanted to read and sicuss, I would have taken a literature class. I signed up for that class to fucking write.
My art class isn't so bad. I didn't like it at first because it lowers my self-esteem massively (more than it already is) when people are so critical of me in a negative way. However, Chris (my drawing teacher) is critical negatively, but he does it in a positive way if that makes any sense whatsoever. He's negative in a way that'll improve everything you do, and even though I've only been to five drawing classes so far, I'm already seeing an improvement. I'm not too fond on having to have every line, angle and boxes 100% even and perfect because I believe no artist is prefect, and their flaws is what makes them unique, but I like him because he had taught me more in fifteen hours then I have learned in two years in high school. My developmental psych class isn't so bad either, but if I knew it was Psych 101 part two, plus an extra $119 for a book filled with information that I learned this time last year, and for a full year the year before.
I feel like I'm wasting my time majoring in psychology. I'm amazing in English... but the careers behind it fucking bore the living hell out of me, and none of it is anything I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. I should major in English, but I'm not. Instead, I'm majoring in Psycholgoy for a job I don't even really wnat all that much. I can't even help my own problems, what makes anybody think that I'm going to help anybody else's? Especially a child. I don't want to waste anymore time and money.
The past two days have been horrible, and I only think because I already have all of this shit on my mind, then yesterday and today brought so many fucking mishaps. I parked my car at school yesterday, and went to my classes. When I came back outside, there was a scratched on the passenger sides sideview mirror. It looked as if some asshole clipped my car when turning the corner. Not only that, but I got a parking ticket for parking where there, apparently, is no parking anytime, even though I CLEARLY states it was a handicapped spot, and nowhere did it say that there was no parking allowed. I even had my handicapped thing in the window, so that's not what ticket was for. It's only for $41, but either way, it's a fucking pain in the ass.
Then today, I got down town by quarter to eight, my class started at 9:30. When 10:15 rolled around, I was still looking for something to do with my fucking car, so by that point, going to that class was pointless. I don't care about missing the class because I don't like Psychopathology, but it's the fact that it took an hour and a half to FIND a parking spot which caused me to miss my class. THEN, I got scolded in writing for not yet having a book that I can't fucking afford because I have a total of $80 in my account right now (50 of which is going to my dad for car insurance), because I had to spend $213 dollars on TWO goddamn books, plus an extra $49 on art supplies, bringing the total to $262 dollars, which, yes, isnt that bad compared to what other people pay, but when you only get seven dollars an hour for only three hours a day at work (two on Tuesdays because your class interferes with it), then it's going to screw you over massively, especially since that $262 dollars is two and a half paychecks alone. I can never fucking win.
I just want to give it up all together. The only place I'm getting is nowhere, and I'm getting there very fast.
-Pokey.
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| 020 ; Sorry I could not make this last |
[30 Jul 2006|01:07pm] |
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Mest - Yesterday |
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I had a bizarre week. It was amazing for the most part, but there a are a few things that make me look at it and go "wtf?!?!?!"
But, I was talking to Taylor yesterday, and I decided that this summer has been pretty awesome. I didn't even do too much, but it has been so great and I love it. Especially this week. I've been out so much.
On Sunday I found out that my Aunt Lesa died. That was what was bugging me most of the time up the mountains. I didn't know what was going on with her. I didn't know if she was doing better, or worse. I didn't know if she was finally seeing anyone or not. I didn't even know if she was still here or not, and I wasn't aware. But, on Sunday brought it all to a close. The whole day was so depressing, I didn't even hear my parents speak to each other, and after Stefhead (:D ♥) came over to give me m birthday present, and keep me company for a while, I made Taylor and Renee go out with me so I can take my mind of it. We saw Lady In The Water that night, and I have to say, it was somuch better than Monster House, or what we like to call now, Monster Ho. I liked it a lot.
On Monday, I had to go to Neshaminy Mall to find something to wear to my Aunt Lesa's viewing on Tuesday since I couldn't make it to the funeral on Wednesday. I was supposed to hang out with Trish and Andrea that day, so I felt bad that I had to go there, but they came with me, and didn't seem to mind. I really have to hang out with those two again before next week because Trish is going back to school soon. Damn Villanova.
Tuesday was the viewing. Usually, I'm good with not crying when it comes to these things. Tears actually managed to slip, and I think most of it had to do with the fact that my mom was crying even before she got there, and then I saw the boys. The boys weren't crying at all, but it was super upsetting that they were going through this a second time. They were being so strong though, and I think that's what made me cry for some reason. I love those boys and they are the last two people who deserve to go through this. I didn't go up to the casket either. I couldn't. That's one way I never wnated to see her.
I did see Jaimie there though, and months always goes by when I never talk to her, so it was exciting to see her there. She told me about her baby daddy drama, and I told her she has to just let go of him, which she is doin, and it's good considering she's 19, 20 in december, and he's only 17. She also filed for primary custody too, but the hearing isn't until October. There's no doubt in my mind that she'll win the case though. Steve never does anything with this kid, and he always ends up keeping him a day longer than he's supposed to. We also both agreed that we have to hang out one of these days before summer ends, so I'm really looking forward to that.
Thursday... I found out out some horrifying news about my kids at work. There was an incident report written about Monet Bunch and Marissa Wilson involving sexual abuse. Apparently, when Marissa went to the bathroom, Monet followed her a few minutes later. When Mrs. B went in to get them after they've been in there too long, she saw one set of feet, but two voices coming from the same stall. When they both came out, Marissa had no shirt on, and Monet was completely naked. They talked to both kdis, and they had similar stories, and it all narrowed down to Marissa touching Monet "like mommy and daddies do," which were Marissa's choice of words. According to Monet, it's happened more than once. Both of these little girls are seven years old and theya re going into second grade. I don't understand how second graders know how any of this means, and how one of them can allow this to happen to them when they said they did not like it. Monet's parents apologized for it happening, and are concerned for their child's mental stability, but Marissa's father is in compelte denial. It's a crazy situation, and I'm still torn apart and highly distrubed by it.
Friday ended up with another trip to the movies. Me and Taylor were just bored, and decided to go to the movies at the last minute. We went and picked up Renee too, and we saw Click, that Adam Sandler movie. At first, I thought it was going to be another cheesy Adam Sandler movie, but it wasnt at all. It was very Spanglish-esque, so it ended up being a serious movie, but it was so cute, and the plot was interesting. I loved it though. Oh, and I definitely have a new hardcore crush on one of the dudes in that movie. He played Adam's characters son at the age of 22, and his name is Jake Hoffman. Apparently, he's Dustin Hoffman's son. he looks nothing like him, but holy shit, Dustin's got some GOOD genes.
And yesterday, I realized how much I really love my city. Me and Taylor went down to South Street to buy our Paramore tickets yesterday, went to the diner, then just walked around Philly, including stopping in Tower Broad, and Borders. I just love being downtown, no matter what time of day it is. Day, night, whatever. It's amazing down there. I truly do have a beautiful city, and the fact that I can walk around down there, get lost, and not even worry about it at all because it's ridiculously easy to find your way back is proof enough that I'm a total city kid. I never want to leave.
Me, Renee, and Taylor are planning a trip to new York for the day at the end of August before me and Renee return to school and before Taylor starts work. I'm so so excited. Even though I adore Philly, New York has always been somewhere I enjoy being, and I love it there, so that's definitely on my list of things I can't wait to happpen.
This entire week I've been sick. My throat has been all messed up, and I've been phlegmy and coughing. When I woke up this morning, I barely had a voice. My throat doesn't really hurt though, except when I cough, and I don't have anything else wrong, except a SLIGHT stuffy nose, so I don't really care about being sick. I just hope it's gone by Thursday for Warped Tour :(.
I guess this has been substantial enough. I'm going to stop here.
-Pokey.
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| 015 ; You're so murderous. |
[15 Jul 2006|03:14pm] |
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I Am The Avalanche - Wasted |
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This is just to get a few things straight since, clearly, some people are misinterpretting what I'm saying, or just refusing to believe that it has nothing to do with them.
1. My weekend was not in any way shitty. I had fun this weekend. So, the fact that I'm blaming my shitty weekend on other people, clearly didn't happen since I didn't have a shitty weekend. The only part of the weekend I didn't like was when I broke down on Saturday night because the things I tried to escape from ( my family and personal issues) came back when I was sitting by the fire. Besides that, my weekend was amazing.
2. The result of claiming that a "clique" developed was not only my words, and I'm tired of being the only one that has animosity being thrown in her direction.
3. I don't even know what the hell this whole issue is about. My entry was based around me and nobody else. I ranted about being yelled at it because it was not appropriate, and not necessary, and you hurt somebody else who did not deserve it. I could care less that you were yelling at me, because I've been yelled at multiple times by peoplewho had alcohol in their systems, and it doesn't affect me anymore, but another person was upset by it, also proving that I'm not the only one who was upset by that whole stupid situation.
4. This entire thing is ridiculous, and the more I think about it, the less i understand it. I don't get how an entry discussing WHY I'm not emotionally stable, and how the mountain trip didn't stop me from thinking about it, has anything to do with anybody else. I've said what I've had to say, and I'm done, but I still don't get it all, and it seems that nobody else does either. SO, if you can explain to me WHY so and so is mad at me, and why so and so are fighting, then please, by all means, do so, because I'm clueless.
That's it. The issue is closed with me.
I AM THE AVALANCHE AND DARTH TATER TONIGHT. HELLZ EFFIN YEAH!
P.S. Owen now hates me. I'm such a horrible person for having to change his clothes. But I got $40 out of the whole deal. So, I'm good. I'll totally let him hate me more.
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| 014; There's no stopping me. |
[09 Jul 2006|09:18pm] |
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Taking Back Sunday - I'll let You Live. |
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So... the mountains.
It wasn't a horrible time, but I expected much more out of it. I went with the intentions of having an escape from everything. Overall, it was nice being able to get away and have a little vacation, but it didn't stop my little "downward spiral" I've been falling through.
There were a few moments that were absolutely awesome. Even though I got a little mad about the talking, and giggling and whatever keeping me awake Friday night, I ignore it. Yesterday, after breakfast, all ten of us played one huge game of wiffle ball, and my team (me, john, taylor, steve and garson) ended up winning the game when the other team was seriously kicking our asses. I also discovered that I can hit a ball better than Kevin, which was pretty fucking amazing. After the game, and after convicning a few people, me, Taylor, Gibbs, Steve, and Rachel all played Pit for like two hours (with a short break for dinner somewhere in between). Apparently, it sounded like a stupid game, but that opinion was quickly changed after we actually started to play. It ended up being a really fun game, and Gibbs described it as "the best game ever." haha.
After we played Pit, everybody wanted to nap a little, but me and Taylor weren't tired, so we decided to let people sleep and we went out for a walk. Our walk which we had only planned on taking for a little bit, ended up lasting for about three hours, and we got back just as it was getting dark. A few people thought we got lost, but we really walked around in circles, but took completely different routes and such, and we had some good conversations, and I now have more reason to hate John Nolan (by theory), and I no longer hate Jesse Lacey. We got back, sat on the steps, continuing with our music discussion part of out 3457896 conversations, and argued about which Thursday CD is the "essential" album to have by them, so I called Tom to ask his opinion while Taylor asked Kevin to prove her I was right (;] love you taylor). I ened up staying on the phone with Tom for another like.. fifteen/twenty minutes, and that partially added to my mood that came later.
After that talk, the fire got started and yay! It was time for s'mores, and I ended up becoming what Renee called the "S'more Whore," because while there were rounds of Beer Pong going on, I was making s'mores for everybody. It wasn't bad though, I like roasting marshmellows. Then I played with the fire for a while, and Renee decided that I would become her "Sunny D Pong" partner, haha, and Taylor had gone to bed by that point. We kicked some major butt too, and we pretty much beat everybody except Kevin and John, but really, we were only one cup away from beating them, so it was still close. We're awesome. But, my stomach could only handle so much Sunny D, and after a while playing so many games got annoying, so once John and Kevin beat us, we were done, and Renee went to bed. I sat by the fire with Garson and Gibbs since Taylor and Renee were in bed, Racehl, John, Rachel and Kristen were playing Beer Pong, and Steve was weaving through everybody, but even he went to bed soon after that.
( I'm gutting you out )
The first degree was a riot.
We're making sure my lesson's learned.
I'm not ashamed but I'm trying.
I've come to expect, the standards you have set.
Tell me just how dangerous is second best.
You settle for less and I'm sure you'll settle again.
There's no stopping me.
I'm gutting you out.
Does this make you feel safe?
There's no stopping this.
I'm gutting you out.
Does this make you feel safe?
Closer that I look is just,
The further that you get.
Already, stubborn skin thickens, an attempt to understand.
Understand.
There's no stopping me.
I'm gutting you out.
Does this make you feel safe?
There's no stopping this.
I'm gutting you out.
Does this make you feel safe?
You got tired, got tired.
Of waiting, of waiting.
The guilt subsides, still waiting.
The night begins.
And I know it's not what you deserve.
Came as a gift from a good friend, a good friend.
That disapproves, but understands.
You reperesent and actively encourage all of my worst habits.
They all are proof that we're both capable of,
The most terrible things.
Don't test me.
There's no stopping me.
I'm gutting you out.
Does this make you feel safe?
There's no stopping this.
I'm gutting you out.
Does this make you feel safe?
You got tired, got tired
Of waiting, of waiting.
The guilt subsides, still waiting.
The night begins.
And I know it's not what you deserve.
You got tired, got tired
Of waiting, of waiting.
The guilt subsides, still waiting.
The night begins.
And I know it's not what you deserve.
I know it's not what you deserve.
It's not what you deserve.
I know it's not what you deserve.
I know it's not what you deserve.
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| 001; First Post |
[03 Jun 2006|03:22am] |
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it's been a while since i've seen the end.
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